Mumbai, Nov 8 : Sister of Bollywood actor Arjun Kapoor, Anshula Kapoor, shared how grief has altered her brain and heart.

Sharing that one really does not move on from grief, especially the kind that comes from losing a parent; "you just grow around it".

Anshula, who lost her mother Mona Kapoor in 2012, penned on social media, "It's been over a decade, and grief still finds new ways to show up.

It's changed how I love, how I rest, how I see the world. Some days it's quiet. Other days, it knocks the wind out of me. (sic)."

"It's messy and exhausting - this constant push and pull between gratitude for the people still here, and the ache of knowing she's not.

So I wrote it all down. The anger. The guilt. The walls I built. The way good news feels different now. Because grief doesn't end. It evolves. And these are the ways it's shaped me," she added.

The daughter of filmmaker Boney Kapoor shared the various ways her mind and heart have been altered after losing her mother.

She said, "Good news doesn't feel as good anymore. The first person I'd want to tell isn't here, and every "big" life moment feels smaller because of it."

Anshula further revealed, "I crave control now. After living through the kind of chaos that breaks you, I hold on to plans, lists, and routines. They make life feel a little less unpredictable."

"I've learned to become my own safe space. Now, a lot of the time when I need comfort, I retreat into myself," she added.

Anshula admitted that she gets angry at people who still have their moms and also hates herself for it.

"It's not jealousy, I think it's just ache dressed as anger," she penned.

From building walls to protect yourself, to harder goodbyes, to feeling older than your actual age, to having a hard time trusting anyone, she spelled out the different ways grief changes a person to the core.

Anshula further said that she has stopped waiting to be healed.

"Some wounds aren't meant to disappear and I've realized grief doesn't end. It's something you deal with constantly and have to overcome even after a decade of losing a parent", she concluded.

/IANS