By Arundhuti Banerjee Mumbai, July 30 : Bengali actress Swastika Mukherjee says she could not bring herself to watch Dil Bechara, the last film of Sushant Singh Rajput, despite being a part of the cast. Swastika, who plays heroine Sanjana Sanghi's on-screen mother in the film, has worked with Sushant once before, essaying a pivotal role in the 2015 release, "Detective Byomkesh Bakshy!" "Honestly, I couldn't watch the film. Before the countdown began, we were excited. I had not watched the entire film before its release. We shot in sync sound, so I did not watch it for dubbing either. So, I waited for the Friday to watch the film," recalled Swastika. However, she could not bring herself to sit and watch "Dil Bechara". "Emotionally it was too heavy for me to deal with, after the sudden demise of Sushant. I called all my family members and said that we will watch it together, we were on call, checking with each other on if the popcorn is ready, who was having tea or coffee -- you know that madness, because we really wanted to celebrate the film and remember Sushant happily. The clock ticked 7:30 pm and the film started. At that moment, when the black and white picture of Sushant appears, with his vivid smile, holding his guitar, and his words as a quote, I just choked up. I couldn't watch the film, I just couldn't. I wasn't an audience, I was a part of the film. I knew him, he was my co-actor. 'Was'? It is tough," she said. About how her family reacted, Swastika shared: "My daughter called me and I never heard her sounding so low. She just said 'momma, I watched the filmÂ? Mini (my sister) cried so much, her face and eyes are red. I don't think she will call you, we are so emotional momma'. The actress continued: "Later, my sister dropped me a message, saying 'you were good but can't really talk and discuss the film right nowÂ? overwhelmed'. It was like, the reality of the absence of Sushant was hitting us hard." The Mukesh Chhabra-directed film was an adaptation of the 2014 Hollywood film "The Fault In Our Stars", which was based on John Green's 2012 bestseller of the same name. Is she happy with the public reaction to the film? "It is a mixed feeling, because the film has been received well. But I so wish that Sushant was here to celebrate. As an actress when you get appreciation for your work, it is nice but how can we celebrate it without him. A part of me is broken," Swastika signed off. /IANS